Reasons


Recently I had a relationship end, and I’ve been having problems approaching closer.
Ther is anger there is pain, depression, and confusion, my dreams are haunted my wake is taunted.

I just want a reason.

I can make a hundred. just please pick at least one because the one you gave me was not right.

Was it because we met through him?

Was it because my life fell apart?

Did you meet the other while still with me?

I don’t hold recent i just need to know.

I am hollow.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Needs


I need a partner in life, I need a person who can see me as me, I need a person who can take interest in my interests and have interests i can explore. I need to feel loved and equal I need to feel

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

349- written on day 349…


“The last post was depressing it haunts me every time I check, please write me a smile.”

 

It hasn’t been long that I’ve known you.
The rest of my life would not be long enough.
To find the words for such perfection.

Kristy

My writing is strongest in times of sadness.
For two months now I have needn’t to write.
This is not a time of sadness.

Kristy

I do not know what to write.
No simile can compare accurately.
Your smile to the ray of hope.

Kristy

Maybe in haiku
I can write this just for you
And create the smile.

Kristy

Flowing through me.
The blood like streams of my heart.
You are in each beat.

Kristy

I miss you each blink.
Because time stands still each time
your image leaves sight.

Kristy

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Her beauty transcends me


I hurt her.
I will hurt her again.
this is fact i cannot avoid.

I love her.
Her beauty transcends me.
I am not what is best for her.
Even though she is the best for me.

I am a sex addict.
…pretty much a fucking rapist.
Why would I want to put her through that?
I’m growing to hate myself  for  helping her escape-
and then trapping her myself in a parallel cycle of torment.

She’s better than that.
she’s better than I
When I can’t offer her the best.
I should wish her the best.
Can i be strong enough for that?

127 150 145 156 040 150 141 166 145 040 171 157 165 040 145 166 145 156 040 164 162 151 145 144 040 164 157 040 157 146 146 145 162 040 150 145 162 040 164 150 145 040 142 145 163 164 077 040 131 157 165 040 141 162 145 040 141 040 156 145 145 144 171 040 143 157 144 145 160 145 156 144 145 156 164 040 144 145 163 160 145 162 141 164 145 040 154 145 145 143 150 040 154 141 164 143 150 151 156 147 040 157 156 040 164 157 040 164 150 145 040 146 151 162 163 164 040 163 151 147 156 040 157 146 040 141 146 146 145 143 164 151 157 156 040 145 166 145 156 040 151 146 040 154 157 147 151 143 040 164 145 154 154 163 040 171 157 165 040 151 164 040 167 141 163 040 141 040 144 162 165 147 040 151 156 144 165 143 145 144 040 155 151 163 164 141 153 145 040 146 162 157 155 040 141 040 160 145 162 163 157 156 040 167 150 157 040 167 141 163 040 164 157 040 167 145 141 153 040 141 164 040 164 150 145 040 164 151 155 145 040 164 157 040 145 166 145 156 040 153 156 157 167 040 167 150 141 164 040 164 150 145 171 040 167 145 162 145 040 144 157 151 156 147 056 040 107 157 144 040 164 150 141 164 047 163 040 160 141 164 150 145 164 151 143 040 150 157 167 040 171 157 165 040 163 141 171 040 171 157 165 040 150 145 154 160 040 150 145 162 040 142 165 164 040 141 154 154 040 171 157 165 040 145 166 145 162 040 162 145 141 154 154 171 040 144 151 144 040 167 141 163 040 164 141 153 145 040 141 144 166 141 156 164 141 147 145 040 157 146 040 150 145 162 056 040 302 240 131 157 165 040 141 162 145 040 141 040 160 151 145 143 145 040 157 146 040 163 150 151 164 056 040 101 154 167 141 171 163 040 167 145 162 145 040 141 154 167 141 171 163 040 167 151 154 154 040 142 145 054 040 142 145 163 164 040 171 157 165 040 142 145 040 141 154 157 156 145 040 142 145 143 141 165 163 145 040 171 157 165 162 040 151 144 145 141 154 163 040 157 146 040 154 157 166 145 040 141 162 145 040 163 164 165 160 151 144 054 040 163 145 154 146 151 163 150 040 141 156 144 040 160 141 164 150 145 164 151 143 056 040 131 157 165 040 167 151 163 150 040 146 157 162 040 141 040 167 157 155 141 156 040 167 150 157 040 167 151 154 154 040 163 160 145 156 144 040 141 164 154 145 141 163 164 040 141 040 144 141 171 040 141 040 167 145 145 153 040 151 147 156 157 162 151 156 147 040 164 150 145 040 165 156 151 166 145 162 163 145 040 164 157 040 143 157 155 155 151 164 040 164 157 040 141 040 144 141 171 040 151 156 040 142 145 144 040 155 141 153 151 156 147 040 154 157 166 145 054 040 143 165 144 144 154 151 156 147 040 054 040 167 141 164 143 150 151 156 147 040 155 157 166 151 145 163 040 141 156 144 040 164 141 154 153 151 156 147 056 056 056 040 153 145 145 160 040 167 151 163 150 151 156 147 040 141 163 163 040 150 157 154 145 040 167 145 154 143 157 155 145 040 164 157 040 162 145 141 154 151 164 171 040 171 157 165 162 040 156 157 164 040 167 157 162 164 150 040 164 150 145 040 146 165 143 153 151 156 147 040 144 141 171 040 141 156 144 040 171 157 165 162 040 163 157 040 147 157 144 040 144 141 155 156 040 144 145 163 160 145 162 141 164 145 040 171 157 165 040 146 165 143 153 151 156 147 040 162 141 160 145 040 150 145 162 056 056 056 056 040 153 151 154 154 040 171 157 165 162 163 145 154 146 040 141 156 144 162 145 167 056 056 056 040 152 165 163 164 040 153 151 154 154 040 171 157 165 162 163 145 154 146 040 164 150 145 040 157 156 154 171 040 155 141 162 153 040 171 157 165 162 040 167 157 162 164 150 040 154 145 141 166 151 156 147 040 157 156 040 164 150 151 163 040 160 154 141 156 145 164 040 151 163 040 141 040 162 145 144 040 160 165 144 144 154 145 056

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

….- —-. / ..— —– / –… —-. / -…. ….. / -…. .—- / –… ..— / -…. . / ..— —– / -…. -…. / -…. ..-. / –… ..— / ..— —– / –… —-. / -…. ..-. / –… ….. / —– -.. / —– .- / ..— .


2d 2e 2e 20 2d 2d 2d 20 2f 20 2d 2e 2d 2d 20 2d 2d 2d 20 2e 2e 2d 20 2f 20 2e 2e 2e 20 2d 20 2e 2e 20 2e 2d 2e 2e 20 2e 2d 2e 2e 20 2f 20 2d 2e 2d 2d 20 2e 20 2e 2d 20 2e 2d 2e 20 2d 2e 20 2f 20 2e 2e 2d 2e 20 2d 2d 2d 20 2e 2d 2e 20 2f 20 2d 2d 20 2e 20 2e 2e 2d 2d 2e 2e

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

I caress my scars again.
I smile.
That pain is in the past.
For now.
In times like this i don’t see how it was ever possible.
For me to be so down.
2016 woah

I destroyed what  wrote in the past.
I wish I hadn’t.
It’d be nice to look back on my thoughts back then.
It’d be nice to see where I was in my mind when I scarred my self.
I remember I’ve written some weird stuff while going through some weird stuff.
Imagine I had my paper writings  from jail and camping?

Odd and monumental.
how much I have changed in the past 6 years.
it’d be nice to look at how my minds evolved.
Records of emotion, thought pattern and growth.

Who am I?
Who will I become?
I am at the time in life where I am to decide.

Rather confusing how one is able to feel  free to a million options yet set to only a few slightly possible outcomes.
I am getting my ged in march and then pursuing college, but for what I’m not sure.

Can someone with a bunch of debt still get osap?
Is ~$4500 even a lot of debt?
I’m not sure …. not working sucks.
I’ll figure something out I’m sure

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Pain


My optimism is failing.

;l;kjhgfdsdrtfgyhuijkl;nhjbgfvydcsxzexrdctfgyhuijokplkoijmnhubgytfrdefrtghy7ju9kilokijuhygtfrdefr678ju9ki0ljhugytrtfyuiopplkomijnhubgytfvdcresrdtyuimko,l;knhjbgtfvdcresxdcrtfijmko,l;.lk,moinjbhugytfvdcrctfvbgyinjmok,plkminhjubgyvftdcrctfvbgynhuijmok,l.nhubgytfvrdefrtghyupl[;.lkjmnhbugyfdfghjklkjhgfdfghj,mnbvcdertyukjmnbvcdert678iolkjhgfre4r5678i9p[poiu87654redfghjkilo;p/.,dfgbhjkml,klmjnhbgvfcdxcfgvbhjnkml,kmnjhbgvfcdxcfvgbhnjmk,l.;l,kmjnhbgtfrdeswxdcfvgbhjunmk,ijuhnjkmlokik9ujhnjuhygbhnygtfvgbhgtfcvgbhtfrcgtfrdcfvgbhnygtfrvgbhnjmk,l

There is hope, there is always hope.
Darkness always ends
Beauty exists

The sky, the water, the land, the unknown.
look beyond yourself. do not think of the negative.
Think of the beauty in your daughters eyes, the magic behind the omnipotent bird songs and the wisdom in a falling apple.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment